


You are You

by lillpon



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillpon/pseuds/lillpon
Summary: Killian, as a new dad, reflects on his own parents.





	You are You

Killian hears Hope coo awake from her crib and he nearly tips the rocking chair over in his haste to get there. He puts the book he was reading on top of the dresser next to her crib and he leans over, looking at his baby daughter.

“Someone's awake,” he says softly, feeling a huge smile spread on his face.

On her part, Hope smiles widely when she sees him, that soft, sweet smile that makes his heart soar. She only started smiling this week, and neither he nor Emma can have enough of it.

“Save one of those for your mother, won't you, love?” he says as he picks her up carefully in his arms. “She'll be back soon, she had a few emergencies at the station.” His voice takes a soft, lilting tone he seems to reserve only for her. “And then she'll come home and we can all gawk at you like the silly mom and dad we are.”

 _Mom and Dad_. Who could've guessed that he would end up in such a happy place as this. Not even he could've imagined it, no matter how much, deep down, he wanted it too.

And he's not alone. With Emma, and her family at their side – his family too – he's been happier than he ever was.

Unless... one counts the years _before_.

It's been so long since that time, when he and his brother were just lads, playing around their garden with their mother either sitting by and watching with a smile, or joining them in their games, eventually trapping both of them in her embrace and singing to them... and their father, playing a role in those memories now and then.

As if on cue, Hope grunts softly.

“Aye,” he says, turning to her. “Sometimes your father has... thoughts the likes of which he hopes you'll never have.”

“As does mommy,” Emma says, entering Hope's room, red leather jacket still on.

“Emma, love. I didn't hear you coming,” he says, not trying to hide his surprise as Emma places a kiss on Hope's forehead.

“Maybe daddy was a bit too distracted?” She looks at him, and her smirk falls a bit. “Everything alright?”

“Aye. As I told her, sometimes my thoughts drift off to sad places.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He looks at her for a moment as he bounces Hope up and down, and nods. “I was thinking of my own parents.”

Emma doesn't speak. She just throws her arm around him and rests her head on his shoulder, knowing the calming effect this touch has on him.

“My mother... she was wonderful. In every sense of the word.” He smiles. “I guess my father didn't start out so bad, but... after he ran away, I guess I focused so much on his negative traits I knew from before, that eventually I forgot he might have been a good father at some point.”

“Nothing good he might've done at first would've been enough to make up for what he did, though.”

“Aye, you're right. But this... this prompted me to think about how I refer to myself in front of her.”

“What do you mean?”

He raises his eyebrow playfully at her. “My father was always... 'father'. No 'dad', no 'daddy'... and no 'papa', which where I come from was the most common. My mother, most of the time, was 'mama'.” His face turns serious as he feels a small lump in his throat. “And I can't help feeling all that mattered in a way.”

Emma starts rubbing circles on his back. “You know, I've heard you call yourself 'papa' when you think no-one is listening.”

He feels his lips purse together.

“And I find it adorable.”

“That I do it when no-one is listening?”

“No. Actually, that too. But I mostly meant you calling yourself 'papa' to her.”

“I know it's not common...”

“Killian, come on. What's common about Hope? Daughter of a modern savior and a three-hundred-year-old pirate who has survived death itself?”

Killian smiles at that.

“And if that's what comes naturally to you, that's what you should use. In any case, it's not that it's a weird word. Or hard to pronounce. She'll probably be able to say 'papa' faster than any other word, anyway.”

“You think so?”

“Babies love consonants like these. She'll need more time to call at _me_ , anyway. 'M's are more difficult. They require more control of the lips. Mmmmmm,” she says playfully as she reaches over and hums right against his cheek before leaving a soft kiss.

“I'm not sure it will even be that big of a deal. I think I'll love any blabbering sound coming from that mouth,” he says and taps softly on Hope's chin, making her smile again.

“Aw. But you know, it's important to be yourself with her.”

“Aye, you're right. It could just be me hoping I'll end up more like my mother than my father. As a parent, I mean. Not in terms of their... luck...”

“Trust yourself, Killian,” Emma says in such a soft tone that he feels his heart lift. “I trust you. I trust us.” She looks up at him, and for a moment, it's like it's only just them in the whole world.

He smiles at that thought, thinking that his family already is his whole world.

“Just focus on the moment,” she adds and closes her eyes, leaning her head on his. “We're here, happy, together... That's all that matters now.”

He closes his eyes too, keeping the moment still in his mind.

“I know you love with all the power in your heart. I know you love me that way, and I know you love her that way too.”

“My Swan knows a lot of things.”

“Well, I watched and learned.” She huffs a laugh. “But honestly, Killian, I know _you_. You won't be your mother. You won't be your father. You'll be you.” She turns to look at Hope, now fast asleep in her _papa_ 's arms. “And she'll love you for what you are. Trust in her.” She leaves another kiss on his cheek before leaning back on his shoulder.

He smiles, feeling his heart lighter than ever. Emma may not see herself as big on words, but sometimes she knows exactly what to say at the right moment, and what advice to give.

This time is no exception.

So trust in his daughter he will.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on such a roll lately about Killian's feelings as a father, haha.


End file.
